Offspring
by MinttBerrryCrunchhh
Summary: Joker and Harley Quinn. The Clown Prince and Princess muse on their newest member of the family.


He glared at it.

The giggling, gurgling, spitty mess was a baby. It wasn't any baby, it was his baby. _Don't look all cute; you vomited on me not even five minutes ago and now you're all god damn happy?_ He thought._ You little demon._

It looked so much like Harley.

At 6 months it still looked like it was only 4. _Tiny, even for a baby, _Jack mused. _Yepp, just like Harls._

Every feature was its mother's. The baby's blonde hair was a tuft on its head. Its nose was a button, and its mouth was identical to Harley's. It had chubby, rosy cheeks and it looked at him with those big, brown eyes.

That was the feature that he had passed along. It had his big, chocolate brown eyes. The baby was lovely, he figured. _Until the bastard threw up on you._ It giggled and looked at him, its eyes bright.

"You thought that was funny, did you?" He asked it.

It just continued to laugh and wiggle its arms to and fro.

"You are your mother," He shook his head and picked it up. "Thank god for that."

He rubbed his nose against its nose. The baby giggled and The Joker laughed along with it. That's when he noticed Harley standing in the doorway, her arms crossed and a smirk on her face.

"Having fun?" Harley posed.

Placing it back down he stammered, "It needs uhh…fed." He began to glare at it again. "It throws everything back up, we produced a demon Harl."

Laughing, she padded towards him in her socked feet.

"Darling, stop calling our baby 'it', she has a name," Harley picked her up and walked out of the bedroom and into the kitchen. "If I do recall, you picked it out and we had then decided on it. She has a lovely name, Amelia."

Handing Amelia back to Jack, Harley went to get a bottle and formula.

Meanwhile, Jack sat Amelia on the counter. He took her tiny hands in his and attempted a game of patty cake. Amelia tapped wildly at his hands and squealed, bringing a smile to his scarred face.

"It's been six months and you're still in denial that you, the big, bad dangerous Clown Prince of Crime, produced a beautiful, bouncing baby girl _and_ that you're happy about it?" Harley teased. She laughed as he glared at her playfully.

"I prefer 'Ace of Knaves' thank you," He quipped. Harley brought the bottle that contained the formula over to him and their baby.

"Can I feed her this time?" He murmured. She smiled and nodded at him.

Taking the bottle, he began to feed the little demon. Amelia was joyous as she excitedly opened her mouth wide to take the bottle.

"Hopefully you don't bring it back up this time, hmm?" Jack emphasized.

Amelia spit up a bit of the liquid onto her bib.

"Maybe if you didn't drink _so_ much _so_ quickly, you wouldn't have to spit it up," He lectured. "You don't know patience, just like your mother." He had whispered the last part of his sentence, but Harley caught it and thumped him on the back of the head.

After Amelia finished, Jack held her in one arm, and took the bottle in the other hand to the sink. As he turned around, he found Harley to be staring at him, smiling.

"What?" He asked suspiciously.

"Nothing," She continued to smile at him.

He raised his eyebrows at her and she leaned against the counter.

"It's just that I love seeing you as 'Daddy Jack'. You really are wonderful, love," She spoke.

"Daddy Jack?" He questioned. He walked past her and down the hall leading to their bedrooms.

She followed him as he led their offspring to the nursery.

"You know, you being a father. _Us_ as parents. That's so weird," She mused. "I always thought that this would never happen. I mean, look at what we _do_. We're fucking crazy."

"Oh that's nice dear," He replied. She looked at him and giggled.

"Oh c'mon handsome, you know what I mean," She looked down at Amelia and continued, "We're the Clown Prince and Princess of Crime! We're ruthless, dangerous, and psychotic. We kill without remorse; we destroy and demolish buildings, blowing up everything in sight. Gotham is our _kingdom_, and we come home to a sweet, babbling baby. This is so messed up." Harley sighed and looked up at him. "What are we doing? What are we _going_ to do? _I _don't even know what to do!" She sighed exasperatedly and leaned against his broad chest.

He wrapped an arm around her and said, "For once you don't know what to do, Huh! Well, there are firsts for everything."

She punched him in the arm and he chuckled. "We'll be fine, love. And so will the thing."

She interrupted him saying, "Amelia, asshole, Amelia."

"Yes, yes Amelia," He looked down at her serious face. "You know I'm kidding right? I do actually…lo…lo….._love_ our offspring." He struggled on the word 'love' on purpose just to see her smile. It hadn't worked.

"Hey, why so serious?" He joked. He heard his daughter's even breathing. He looked down at her to find her big, brown eyes closed and to see her hugging her stuffed lion to her chest. Amelia sighed contentedly.

"Look," He nudged Harley and she turned to see their baby slumbering. "We _made_ that. It still amazes me."

"You know what amazes me? She is so quiet and yet, she came from you. Hmm, funny." Harley mused, brandishing a smile onto her pretty face.

"Oh, what a _funny_ you just had there," He teased. "I don't think that I could _ever_ come up with a better one than that." He yawned and looked down at his wife.

Her eyes were droopy and she was leaning into him.

"Looks like somebody needs to go to beddy-bye," He grinned.

She smirked as she replied, "Weren't you just yawning, my dear?"

He chuckled and spoke, "Maybe we should just both go to bed, hmm?" He waggled his eyebrows at her. "Can we cuddle lovemuffin?"

She narrowed her eyes as they walked to their bedroom. "Honey, I love you, but remember when I told you to never call me gross, sappy pet names?"

"Oh I remember, but you look so damn cute when your nose scrunches up in disgust," he replied with a smirk. She shoved him as she walked to her dresser.

He watched her put on a red camisole and white pajama shorts. She then disappeared into the bathroom to wash her face.

He slipped off his black long-sleeve and stepped out of his jeans. Clad in only his boxers and socks, he wandered toward the bed. He peeled back the covers and fell into it. He twisted his wedding ring around his finger and watched as Harley popped back out of the bathroom. She padded to the bed and laid down next to him.

Sighing she spoke, "G'night handsome, love you."

"Night," He spoke back. He leaned down and whispered the three words into her ear. She smiled and he wrapped an arm around her.

He wished that his evenings always ended like this.


End file.
